NOTICE: the Pathways link at bottom of
THIS page should now work to get you to the NEW Sir-Robin's D/s The Pathways Forward. I will fix the remaining pages as time allows.

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  NOTE: Most of the links presented here, are directed towards the beginning "sub" rather than "slave" and some is of my way of seeing the D\s lifestyle to work best for me, while other parts, though, posted here, I may not practice myself. You may have differences in preferences and see things varied from mine. D\s is a very large and diverse lifestyle and one takes what best fits their individual needs and wants and leaves the rest for others. Most of these pages and links are to get one introduced to the general overall lifestyle so they may begin the process of choosing what best fits them.

I have included some links that are tailored towards the more advanced subs that have gone past the beginning stages of the lifestyle as well. I also have links for beginning and advanced Doms and soon hope to have links for Switches as well...

Slaves in D\s are somewhat different than a sub's D\s style and as time permits, I will try to add more directed toward the "slave" and get into their deeper aspects of submissiveness in D\s, BDSM...

So: you feel that you may have the makings of a very good and loyal submissive, but you need to have a master that will appreciate your given ability and will desire to help you bring yourself up to your fullest potential. Below is several steps to how best go about achieving this goal. Take them in the order given and you will find that you will be much better prepared to find a REAL Dom.


#1: Know yourself first. Are you a submissive. What level of submissive. What are your needs, wants, desires. What do you want from a Dom. What can you offer to him.


#2: Decide what your limits are to be when starting out. YOUR limits, NOT what you feel a dom would want!!!


#3: While working on #1 and #2, clean up your life. Do not expect a dom to do it for you. When he shows up, you have to be ready to give to him then, not a year down the road when you "might" be divorced (example only) and free to give. Be ready and free to offer all of yourself at the time. If all you can give is an online relationship then be prepared to state so up front, before any relationship begins.

Open Communications = Honesty = Trust = D\s Relationship. Follow this formula and you will gain your eventual goal.


#4: Learn how to recognize between a true dom and a wannabe\player\user. You do this by reading properly written material on D\s, watching how others interact, listening, observing the little things.


#5: When you feel you have amassed enough knowledge to get you safely through the barrage of players, etc., then you start advertising yourself as available for the right Dom in moderate ways. Watch, Observe, Listen to the various available doms, see how they interact with other subs: are they respectful of the subs, are they knowledgeable of D\s, can they easily answer a subs many questions without double talk on D\s. Do they admit when they do not know an answer or do they make believe they do know it? Can they answer or do they just send the sub to a page to learn on her own? Do they try to bring up sex on the first conversation beyond the usual teases? Do they ask for the subs picture or her weight etc., before stopping to just be friends with them? Do they brag about their past subs or themselves? Do they "claim" to be great masters or are they very humble and even embarrassed when paid a compliment? Do they self proclaim\title themselves as a dom or master or lord? So many things the sub can look for which will give her an idea if this one is worth her attention or not.


anim_large_dove_left.gif (38556 bytes) A True Path of Two

Joining as One anim_large_dove_right.gif (35524 bytes)

#NOTE:... Many feel that when one has "courting or exploring" in their "on-line" \ "chat room" BIOS's, that the person is Mastered or in the case of a Dom, that he has a sub and that the person is now in a permanent Master\sub\slave relationship. This is incorrect. What they are in is similar to a vanilla dating relationship starting with first meets and slowly working up to the final committed joining... There are 5 stages to acquiring the Honored title of Master in a standard D\s relationship:


First stage: general friendship: Taking the time to get to know the basic make-up of a person. Do NOT jump into the first lap offered you! Start out becoming friends first. Get to know the person under the title.


Second stage: Companionship: hanging around together yet not being committed to any exclusiveness for each other. Slowly becoming exceptional friends, learning to trust the other with your more intermit thoughts etc... Becoming comfortable and unafraid to say anything to the other, knowing that they accept "all" of you & feeling secure in the knowledge that they will not think less of you should you make a mistake. (We are all human & to err is a human quality).

Now is the time to see how compatible he is to your lists from #1 and #2. You need a high compatibility score before you decide to get to attached to him. Don't forget, he will have a list or two of his own that he should be comparing you to as well. Do NOT compromise your lists, stick to them. Changng them to better match his, is only going to cause you problems when he pushes on something that you originally had listed as a "Hard" limit or one that you just felt wrong about.


Third stage: Exploring: where you commit to being with that one only, exclusively. PPE = Partial Power Exchange begins here. It is at this stage where the Dom starts gently testing his power and the sub tests her willingness to submit to this person... You will be giving small amounts of submission to him and he will be taking small amounts of control of that submission. Examples: asking permission to brb or to stop and go get a coffee. As you continue to spend more time with him, you two will start slipping further into PPE with each other.

At this stage, you two will also start to learn of the others deeper aspects and what each wants and needs from a D/s relationship. Serious contract and negotiations, discussions begin... You will be exchanging your needs, wants, desires lists and working on an eventual formal contract, thus, getting to know each other even more personally.

Exploring also serves the purpose of keeping the Honorable Doms\subs from attempting to woo one or the other for themselves, thus: both have breathing space to get to know each other...

If "VP online", the couple will agree to stating on their BIOS's first page, either under the Name or Location heading, that they are Exploring\Courting with each other. This takes the form of: Exploring with Sir ***** in the sub's bios and: Exploring with ***** in the Dom's BIOS's...

This stage lasts as long as each of the couple feels it necessary. Many find, at this stage, that they just are not meant to be a Master\sub couple. Unfortunately, this emotional let down many times also affects the previous friendship that they had established. The"Key" lies within Stage 2: "Accepting "ALL" of a person and not just the good. It is a widely accepted fact that the "bad" side of a person gives the "good" side it's strength. One can not exist without the other. As to "is a person good or bad" depends upon which side is the strongest.


Fourth stage: My Sir: Is when the sub takes the Dom as "Her" Dom and he takes her as "His" sub. Basically this means that contracts are near completion and both have made a definate commitment to each other. Most limits have been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon and both want to go deeper into the TPE concept: Total Power Exchange and see if the relationship is strong enough to be a full blown Master\sub commitment...

At this stage: the Dom exerts much more control and the sub submits much more of herself over to him. A deep Trust has thus been established, complete Honesty has worked its magic, and a very high form of personal Respect for each other has formed a tight, strong bonding of the couple.

Your getting deeper into the relationship and giving more and more of your submission to him. He is controlling you a good fifty or more percent of the time in many areas, both online and in your r\t. You should also be feeling an emotional attachment to him. Now is the time to learn to keep the love emotions separate from the need to be mastered emotions. The Dom can Not allow love to dominate the relationship.

You went into the relationship desiring and needing a Master, if he starts and you play on it, letting love control how he controls you: you will end up unhappy though in love. Your basic instinct is the need to be mastered and controlled, NOT loved. Love is an added dessert to the main course and needs to stay in its proper place. He needs to be Master first and always and you need to be submissive first and always. Love works only during the vanilla moments between you two.

Vanilla D\s moments: are usually those times when the Master and sub are exchanging vanilla like attentiveness. Such as he buying her flowers not as a reward but merely to say, he loves and appreciates her. Or she doing something out of the normal and not because she was ordered or expected to do such. Her action just being her way of saying how she feels towards him, in her heart...


Fifth stage: Final Commitment: This is where they become Master\sub and exchange and perform whichever ritual they have decided upon to make it official... and begin what all hopes is a long and happy relationship

Here, you will finally decide if this Dom is to be your Master or not. YOU will decide, not him. As the sub, you are giving him your very life to care for and thus, you have to decide if this man has the ability, drive, determination and responsibility to do so. You will petition him, listing what you have to offer and expect in return, He will then decide if he wishes to accept your petition and all the responsibility that will come with owning another person's life. If: both agree to final contract, limits, ect., ect., you will become his.

At this time, you will either be collared or have agreed that it wait till you two have spent some time together in r\t to be sure that the relationship will grow or not. I recommend 2-3 months living together full time before making that finalization step. Collaring is an Honorable and lasting act, an oath between the two people and should never be taken lightly.

At this stage: all contract negotiations have been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon, though it is understood that, like any relationship that grows, the contract also grows with it. Both evolve and change to define and strengthen each other as the couple teaches\learns as One.

To get back to reality: No relationship is perfect or meant to be everlasting. Expect ups and downs. How you BOTH work on handling them will decide how or if the relationship will endeavor. Many relationships do Not last a life time. You get what you give. There can be NO taking and not giving back. When one of the couple stops giving as much as they take from the other, the relationship starts to wilt and will eventually die if not repaired. Take away a planted Rose's water supply and soon nothing but a dead clump of lifeless organic matter will remain. The Rose will give its all in beauty and scent until it has nothing left to give for the grower did not give it water back in exchange for it's gift of beauty...


ANOTHER MYTH: PETITIONS
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Most subs make the presumption, that it is the Dom that chooses the sub...WRONG!!! It is the sub that is giving her life, Literally, to the Dom to care for and nourish etc., Thus: it is the SUB that chooses the Dom...

When she finds the Dom that she wishes to put her trust and life into the hands of; she then petitions him, asks him either verbally or in written form, to accept her as his sub... At this point: he can either accept her gift or refuse it... It is respectful and honorable for him to give the sub a reasonable explanation for his possible refusal of her petition...

Petitioning starts with Stage 3 of the relationship. The sub will petition the Dom to Explore with her exclusively. When she is ready, she will petition him to become Her Dom and finally: Her Master... Should the Dom not wish to enter one or another of the stages at the time of petitioning, he will discuss his reasons with the sub and they may both come to an agreement to either wait a bit longer or to end all thoughts of it or anything in between...

Whichever happens, it is best to find out sooner than later. Most subs are afraid to Petition for fear of rejection so they allow themselves to go on never knowing if anything will come about or not. An Honorable Dom will not petition the sub and thus influence her to commit when she may not be ready for it, thus, the sub that wanted the Dom but was to afraid to speak her thoughts may find him drifting towards another, thinking that he is not wanted by this one.

An Honorable Dom usually will not go where he feels he is not wanted for he knows that a "rushed" sub will soon feel cornered and will turn on him and any chance of a true relationship that might have been will most likely disappear for good.


PETITIONING HELP FOR SUBS:
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How to tell if your Petition may be accepted :

Are you totally comfortable with each other? Can you discuss or say anything without fear? If either of you are negative about something, does the other pull away from you and knock you down or does he\she snuggle even closer and give you the comfort and understanding that you need? Even upon repeated remarks of negativity? Does he seem to pay more attention to you than others? Does he hint at or even ask you openly to sit near him or he near you rather than another? If he is in a discussion with someone, does he ask you for your opinion? Does he send you a "tickle tickle or poke" nudge if you seem quiet thus showing you that though he may be talking with another, that it is you that he is keeping first on his mind and notices when you are silent? Does he seem to ask you a lot, "if you're okay"? Does he usually stop talking with whomever, when he sees you enter the room and takes the time to greet you? Does he usually stop talking with whomever, when he sees you enter the room and takes the time to greet you? Does he seem to want to spend more time with you than any others? Does he keep his meeting times with you or apologize sincerely if he can't\could not?

Basically: do you feel that he sees and treats you as his first and foremost companion and cares of your feelings\concerns etc.? If all or most do apply to your situation and you Do want him exclusively, then face your fears and deal with them Before he starts feeling rejected by your silence and another starts moving in on what she may see as an eligible target...

Hint: In the "Beginning Submissive Help" category, listed in the left frame, you will find several links that will guide you through the initial doorway of the D/s realm...They are numbered in order of best choices for the beginning sub...The first is the most easiest and informative for the new sub, this one will get you well on your way to knowing that which you need to survive within this realm of predators & users...


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Email: sirrobin51@hotmail.com

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